“some moments are nice, some are
nicer, some are even worth
― Charles Bukowski
I’ve officially written down my perfect moment of the day for 6 months and 26 days. I have not missed a day. *and I kind of can’t believe it*
This means I wrote a perfect moment:
The day I found out I was officially divorced.
The day Russia invaded Ukraine.
The day Uvalde shooting happened.
The day I came out publicly.
The day Breonna Taylor’s killer was convicted.
The day Roe vs. Wade was overturned.
The days I had hard conversations
The days I had covid.
The days I was on vacations.
The days I felt depressed/stressed/anxious.
The days I had tons of kids over.
The days it was “just me”
Holidays, sick days, scary days, long days, busy days, lonely days, happy days, birthdays, normal/average/mundane days.
In over 180 entries- I’m starting to see some patterns.
Each “update” is done (usually once everyone is asleep and I’m reflecting) I do it before I go to sleep. It is becoming a strong habit for me now. I simply *tell the truth* about what I’m thinking and experiencing. It takes one sentence some nights and it takes eight other nights.
I love this little personal experiment for what it is showing me. I’ve had a few days where nothing I qualify as “perfect” happened at all. Where I had ZERO percent writing skills, clever phrasing or elaborative capability. But I wrote anyway. I just promised to tell the truth, and record them.
How has it changed me so far?
I’m still not sure. I think it more represents a “drop in the bucket” for me. Those daily actions lead to full pitchers if you do them long enough and consistently. This is a principle to life and simple physics really.
I do like that the category I chose to reapply this “drop in the bucket” metaphor. It is for something that highlights the beauty I find in being alive. If I had buckets and buckets of that kind of information… what would that do to my entire soul? Would I become delusionally happy? Would I begin to see everyday differently from the beginning knowing I will have to be accountable for something perfect at the end?
I don’t know.
But I have heard this ratio once that has been passed around proverbial fireplaces of wisdom circles that states: “For every 1 negative, 8 positives are required.” *If the exact numbers aren’t correct- that’s ok.*
Something about that line FEELS true enough. Maybe I’m just collecting reserves because I have witnessed how dark, hard, lonely, bitter and cold the world can be. Maybe this is a protective mechanism for my soul? Maybe it’s “light storage” for hard times? Maybe its just the empirical data I need to see to prove to myself that in one of my harder years there was still joy- and I can track it. (Opposition in all things and all that…)
Who cares that I don’t know exactly.
I’m not even done with this year long experiment, but I wanted to check in and let you know I’m not slowing down or feeling uninspired or “chore minded” about it either. I WAITED until I REALLY could see this kind of thing through.
I’ve had writing opportunities come in and out of my life the last 10 years. I’ve said no so many times because I knew I didn’t have capacity for what was asked of me.
But when I “did” get capacity for this project. I said: “I’M FREAKING DOING IT. RAIN OR SHINE. HIGH OR LOW. HOME OR AWAY. DAY OR NIGHT.”
So far. So good. Yay.
Thank you for coming along for the ride. I don’t know the destination point. I don’t know what tomorrows perfect moment will be, but I will write about it when it happens.
Adding just another drop to the bucket of light reserves I use to combat this sometimes dark world.
What do YOU do to combat the darkness?
I find a fully versatile assortment of things is required to merely “survive” some days. (This is just one of my “light buckets”)
I bet I write about other ones in the future. All in good time.
Thinking of you.
*one little drop at a time*
4 thoughts on “Perfect Moments: Update”
Rather than “combat” darkness, I’d rather walk through the middle of it and walk out on the other side. You cannot know light unless you know darkness. Ground your energy into the earth, meditate. Transmute negative energy.
I’ve always had a lot of hobbies that kept me interested in life during the hard times. Not so I could avoid the darkness, but help me remember life is impermanent.
I am an “urban farmer”, growing a great deal of our own food. Teach your children to grow – it’s a lost art and extremely therapeutic!
Ok so I love what you’re saying here and I actually do not disagree with you!
This is very “be the Buffalo” mentality. Face the storms. Yes yes yes.
Maybe that line was not a full description about how I feel about darkness and experiencing it.
I have. I have tried all the coping, running, and shutting down avoiding etc.
now I FEEL it.
But I mean this to say: it’s a sunblock to the suns Rays. A protection of hope so when you’re standing in direct sunlight you won’t fry. You’ll face it and lean in deep for sure, but what pulls me out of the pit in part is the memory of all the good and desire to have it again.
This helps my fickle memory that can be so present it does not remember there is still light when things are truly so dark.
Hope this makes sense!
Yes to gardening! My mother was such a gardener and her love for it has not been lost! Proud of you!
Did you edit this from an earlier version you first posted?
Something seems to be missing from my first read.
I may be wrong.
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Wow! Very well done!
I took out a day descriptor.
It didn’t feel right.
And I might have added a blurb after thought like: “I can’t believe it” or something.
I’m impressed Pai 👏🥰