A Letter To My Future Love

Oh Hey,
I love you. Stupid amounts. I could write a book about us (and I’m probably working on one right now) but let this letter show you how intentional and aware and thankful I am for you in the meantime. ❤️

I’m aware that I make piles around the house. I justify my messiness by saying “I’m not dirty, just a little messy” but this might bother you a little more than a little. I’ll really try but this might have to be a little “radical acceptance” on your part. My brain prioritizes (other things) and it always has. I’ve been a pile maker since I can remember. They will get cleaned up. I promise.

I’m aware that the amount I want to talk about things with you about literally anything and everything is “high volume.” I tell my best friends this information also but I want to hear “YOUR” perspective on it too! Is that so bad to ask? Clearly a part of why I love you is for your beautiful and interesting view of things. I’ll want to hear your opinion and thoughts (probably) everyday.

I’m aware that I know I just said I want to talk with you everyday (but I’m a walking paradox) and will also desperately need “me” time. You might think I’m being too much of a “monk” sometimes with how silent I enjoy being in between our conversations. But trust me. It is NOT silent in my world when my mouth is closed. That is when my brain comes alive!!! Thank you for patiently making yourself occupied while I daydream… it’s one of my happy places and where I sometimes come up with my best ideas. I have to take time to be in my head so I can work and publish more books and articles. This is the madness you signed up for when you chose to be with a writer.

I like you around. And I like missing you when we are apart. I like both. I want us to have both. I want to miss you and I want to be with you.

Can our “love life” *wink wink* look something like the playlist I have on my phone of all my favorite songs? I have many genres. Obviously some favorites. But if we learn a new song, or get tired of one. Lets just alter the playlist and keep “dancing” to the music together. Yeah? Ok thanks 😉 I love “music.”

I’m confident that I don’t know much, which is why you’ll see me looking stuff up, reading and listening to things everyday.
I know how I feel around you though. You make me feel safe, seen, valued, and ok. You make me laugh. I love how we laugh everyday together. Even on those hard days. I love finding something absurd to joke about inappropriately soon, sometimes even through fresh tears we laugh at how stupid hard the day was as we hold each other.

I’m aware that I am a highly sensitive person. At night, lights start to feel like they are burning my eyes, sounds feel louder to me, showers are so aggressive, the fan is drying out my eyes, and the wrong fabric will make me want to take all my clothes off and burn them.
I will have to floss after every meal… and I LOVE smelling good at all times a little more than I notice most do.

The variety of daily beverages I consume is like my adult “binky”…I’m aware. I’m sober because (Aubrey doesn’t need drugs to be high or loose) but I probably still spend the same amount on non alcoholic drinks in a day as when I drank. (Coffee, tea, water, sparklingly something, something sweet, something cold, just a cup of ice. In rotation, at all times. $Yum$)

There are some cool parts about being with a highly sensitive person. Doesn’t it make you laugh when I can guess what ingredients are in foods with almost 100% accuracy?
I just cant do things like cuddle in the same position for longer than 10 min with out having to switch it up.

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Thank you for understanding how much effort, thought, care and time I take being a momma to the kids. You know they are my ultimate soft spot. Part of the reason I love you so much is because you love them and help me in the ridiculous undertaking of trying to keep them alive while gently leading them to being good humans who are true to themselves. Some of the most perfect moments in my life have been when I watch you with them. I feel like my heart could burst and I can’t help but join in. They love you so much. We are all so lucky to have each other.

I want to parent “with” you every single day. They wont be around for much longer. I want your input and participation. You make it worth it to add another to the mix when I already feel like I hit my capacity at taking care of my own damn self. lol

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I’m aware I have some weird quirks…But you would sleep with earbuds also if you woke up with an ant in your ear too!!! I cannot help how I get so irked out when my toes go under the counter and I can’t see them. The thought of some creepy crawly running across my hidden toes is too much for me- so I stand far away from the sink when doing dishes or brushing my teeth. Speaking of sinks…. I know I sit like a bird in its nest when I get ready for the day. Its weird. I’m too big for the sink. But It’s the perfect spot! Lastly *for now* I know a little dust is nothing, but you know I cant drink that open drink once its been sitting out too long. If I get something in my head it’s SO hard to let it go. (This is something you love about me, but it can be annoying when its stuff like water in a cup) I love lids.

I annoy myself sometimes. So I give you automatic grace if you get annoyed with the 58 versions of me that can surface in one days time. When you love all those sides and tell me why- you know you have me in the palm of your hand. I’ve always just wanted to be all of me and be loved for it all. I’m glad you understand I have some consistencies despite my variety show of a person. They are that: I will be kind to you, I will be honest, I will never stop learning, I will want to laugh with you everyday, and I will love you.

I hope you REALLY care about those few things because the rest of everyday is unknown to me too.

I want to go everywhere with you eventually. I want to have somewhere we are looking forward to exploring together. Just you and me. I love how we make time for just you and me. (The kids will come with us other times, on our family trips) but lets not ever forget us ok?

Thank you for the late night pillow talks where we aren’t even cuddling or facing each other. I’m talking with my hands still in the dark, and your eyes are closed listening to me. You give such good feedback and you give me space to “outloud” a few of the thousands of ideas and thoughts and theories on my mind.

I know we aren’t always going to feel “happy” but one thing I ADORE about you is your optimism and problem solving skills. You don’t quit until you have really good reason to. You always explain your reasons for things. That matters so much to me. I get high off of your happiness. I will hold you in your sadness. Thank you for doing the same for me.

I’m aware that I’m not good at things like gift giving, dealing with people when they are angry, cooking and enjoying it, holiday traditions, and choreographed dancing… *and more* but I’m competitive and I like working on getting better at something new at all times.

Its fun for me…. Cooking is not. I repeat. Cooking is not.

I want to keep getting to know every years evolution of you. I want to support every version you keep becoming. I waited for you. I waited to make sure I was ready for you. That I was “undeniably” and independently me so I could show up 100% in this relationship with you.
You are (in fact) undeniably YOU, and I love the happy, intelligent, kind, sweet, passionate, present, accomplished, curious, sexy, gentle, independent, loving, creative, helpful, hilarious person you are…

Wanna go brush our teeth and make out? Cause I LOVE kissing you… it does NOT get old… 😘

Love in.

Love out.

Love you.

-Aubrey

P.s. as always, there is so much more I could say… so I will in real life. ❤️