Dear former husband,
You loved me all you could, with all you had.
You and I made three of the most incredible humans. (inside and out)
We did that.
We did a lot while we were together.
We talked SO much. We fought SO hard. We tried and tried and tried.
I know you tried.
I met you at one of the most vulnerable moments in my life’s story.
I was 14. It was a church dance. You walked in. Smiled. and I was “drawn” to you.
You checked EVERY box I was taught mattered, and you did it with style and a smile. You were cool, you were confident, you were charming.
I fell for you.
I’m glad I did.
Do you know HOW MUCH I have learned because of our marriage?!?
Things I would never have learned without you.
We ran businesses together. We divided and conquered. We had different strengths and some similar weaknesses.
We had a special kind of understanding.
We moved EVERYWHERE, frequently. Change was our constant.
Sometimes it was thrilling, other times completely overwhelming.
I became SO much better with change because of you.
We did every checkmark a couple does.
We did the therapy, the compromise, the fighting, the calm, the time, the freedom, the play, the romance, the listening, the apologizing, the forgiving, the grunt work, the daily, the weekly, the yearly…
We took our marriage into overtime.
Then you let me go.
I wasn’t ready. I thought this was just “one of the hard seasons.”
But you saw it.
You saw it was over.
You were right.
I didn’t know it yet.
You said: “I think we should stop this, before one of us ends up hating the other.”
I was so confused. I didn’t hate you. I knew you didn’t hate me?
So much learning happened in the time we were separated. On both sides. You listened to your gut. You were right.
Breaking that romantic chemical bond to you took time, therapy, tears, and ALL of my people in rotation.
You and I fought 2 big times in the in between of married and not.
I said “ALL” the swear words one night. You were VERY upset with me the other night.
We got through it.
You picked a new love for you that I absolutely adore. (It took time for me to meet her, I’m glad I took time.)
She is SO kind. So full of love.
She has been good to me, to the kids and to you.
Good job picking her.
I now know you were the ONLY man I’ll ever love.
I don’t want to date men anymore! lol.
We discovered that in pieces throughout our marriage.
I loved you deeply.
I still do.
Where romantic connection with you is gone, room has opened up for the both of us.
I think our kids would be better off with 4 parents than just us anyway.
MORE LOVE is better than LESS LOVE we say.
I’m glad you agree.
I keep coming back to this phrase.
“You don’t know better until you do, and when you do know better… what will you do?”
I hope we will love.
The kids, our partners, our families, each other. With whatever capacity we have.
I hope we will love.
I will always love you. It was NOT a mistake.
We played the game. We gave it our all. We put it all on the field.
To the world: “We lost.”
But look how much we’ve won?
If love is still there?
There is more to say, but I’ve said enough for now.
I’ll see you Friday when it’s your weekend with the kids.
Be healthy, be smart, be kind.