“There comes a time in your life when you have to choose to turn the page, write another book or simply close it.”-Shannon L. Alder
On February 28th, 2021, I found out my marriage was over. Today is February 28th, 2022. (Tomorrow is March 1st, 2022.) *if anyone was wondering*
My “D-Day” was at Disney world. “Happiest place on earth” right? What a claim Disney. What a freaking false claim. Disney failed at delivering its promise, but provided me with the perfect three theme songs for my 2021.
1) “The next right thing,” 2) “show yourself” 3)“Into the unknown…ah ahhh ahh ahhhhhh” *I get the scream/singing part now*
Thank you Frozen II.
Before you get all comfy and grab your cup to catch the tea you think I’ll be spilling here… I recommend you put the cup away. I’m not spilling ANYTHING detailed about the day I knew my marriage was over and “why,” aside from when and where it happened. Not today. Not this way. Respectfully no.
I will say this: I genuinely love (present tense) my kids dad. I care about him, and I want him to heal, have happiness, joy, peace and love. I want him to show up for our kids, keep promises, and co-parent together as a united force “for” them. We always did make a pretty good team when we worked together. For a time he really was my best friend. There is never one side to a marriage. So why blast “my version” here? For what? More views? Nahh I’m good. 🙂
So now what? What to do?
I think I will live March 1st, 2022 with the same simple sounding but impossibly complicated 3 question process of decision making I started using early last year. The same process I used today. February 28th, 2022.
“Is it healthy?”
“Is it smart?”
“Is it kind?”
If my choice doesn’t answer YES on all three columns. I just don’t do or say it. *it’s been working out for me so far* I’m a “passing student” most days adhering to this rubric.
I must admit, I have had two days in the last year where I:
1) Said ALL the swear words I’ll ever need to say in my entire life in one phone call.
2) Verbally “duked it out”… in which case, I think everyone feels like a loser when it’s done. I know I did.
However, in the process of making choices based on that rubric, my hope is that I will continue to:
1- Get healthier
2- Get smarter
3- Get kinder
*I think It’s working*
In more practical ways, life this year looked something like:
Baby steps. Simple choices. Like digging a tunnel with a spoon. Rest. Recover. Show up for the kids. Simplify. Protect energy. Observe thoughts and feelings. Swear more. Learn what paradox is. No revenge. Learn what A LOT of things mean. Say nice things to myself in the mirror like a weirdo. Cry in tub. Slow is smooth, smooth is fast. Angry lawn mowing. Eat whatever as long as I’m eating. Drink water. Drink coffee. Get ready just because. “Is it healthy/smart/kind?” Believe in love. Have hope. Find peace. Angry vacuum at 2am. Let laundry pile up. Dance in the living room. Fall back in love with music. Quit the gym. Go on walks. Don’t do dishes as often. Order pizza 2 times a week. Watch movies with kids. Lose hair. Text loved ones. Associate with only good, kind, trustworthy friends. Read good things. Eat in bed. Art therapy. Therapy therapy. Hoodies, hats and beanies. Go outside. Get on a dating app for a week. Delete app. Get corona. Share holidays. Journal. Meet new people. Sleep diagonally and starfish on bed. Remember who I am at my core. Try new things and learn more about who I can be. Podcast. Poetry. Doordash. Buy Kleenex tissue with Vicks lotion. Save money. Put off car registration. Stay on top of oil changes. Be generous with service where I can give it. Take pictures. Start new hobbies. Light candles. Stay sober. Spend weekend in the mountains. Write. Survive hard days. Hold on. Buy the damn throw pillows. TikTok and laugh. Go to the doctor. Take my medicine. Let myself be seen. Make memories. Drink more coffee…
and finally live by the mantra…
“Love in. Love out.”