“Co-parenting is not a competition. It’s a collaboration of two homes working together with the best interest of the child at heart. Work for your kids, not against them.” – Anne Brown
Tonight. I met “Her.” The woman my former husband has been dating. The woman that has been living with him. The woman who shares every other weekend with my kids when they visit their dad now. The woman who makes the best G.D. sugar cookies that come home with the kids after these weekends. The woman who is…oh no big deal. A model. *yeah. I know*
Tonight I met “Her…”
…and she was, lovely.
Let’s quickly take this back to when I found out about “Her.” Because it took me months and months before I was even close to feeling anything resembling “ready” to meet. I knew I had to do it on my own timing, when “I” was ready. That is exactly what I did. I’m so glad I stuck to my personal boundary with this.
My former husband and I had a rule *I grabbed off a child psychologist site* for “how to best help your children cope with your divorce.” The article said to wait until you are exclusive with someone for at least 6 months before introducing them to your children. This helps the adults get past a lot of that “infatuation phase” of a new relationship. The phase that chemically swarms your judgment and makes you a little “love high.” Around Christmas time my former husband said it was the 6 month mark of exclusivity with “Her,” and that this woman was “a really good person.”
“That means I need to message her now…” I thought.
Show her my white flag. “I come in peace. If you love my children and treat them well, that’s all that matters.“ She responded in kind. I had a good *enough* feeling and that next weekend the kids met her while they had their weekend at dads.
That first weekend they came home with smiles ear to ear about this woman. Especially Lily. I heard all the things she was good at, what they liked about her, what she did with them- the crafts, the cooking, the outside play, the board games…
I breathed through the rushes of feelings inside of me. She is not to blame for my feelings. I am the cause of my feelings. She is just creating opportunity for me to get to know myself better. All life is a teacher if we are willing to learn.
I learned in that moment hearing about my kids weekend meeting “Her” that I was not ready for in person yet. I was so glad everyone was having a great time. Plus she did make some bomb ass cookies so… there was that. 😉
It has been months now since the kids first met Her. They see her as well as their dad every other weekend now. I’ve texted her here and there. I’ve messaged her once or twice. But I haven’t been ready. Not till tonight.
I wasn’t “planning” on meeting her. I was wearing no make up, breaking out on my face, my house is super messy (honestly when is it not these days,) I was not dressed up…but something inside of me said: “why not just get it over with eh?”
So I did.
And like I said, she was absolutely lovely.
Sparkly eyes, good energy, kind, great smile, and you could tell she really cares about my kids.
So there you go. I met “Her.” She’s real. I’m real. It’s real. The world keeps spinning. I did about 76% good at being totally confident and myself.
“That is passing!” I have to tell myself! Passing is worth celebrating.
Thanks for reading sweet thing,
If you can’t do that… wait till you feel ready before forcing it.